I have been clean and sober since July 12th 1987. For me there are only two choices: Live life high all the time or be sober all the time. There is no middle ground. I was a long-time member of a 12-step program, but the pandemic allowed me to realize that I have other options:
- Keep going to meetings
The problem with this is it really only works, in my opinion, if you give 100%. Frequent meetings, working with a sponsor, and helping the newcomer. I don’t know for sure, but at my age, spending the rest of my life as an AA zealot seems like a waste of the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong. AA and the 12 steps are an important part of my recovery, but I’ve paid back my sponsor 10 fold, and I feel that I have done enough.
- Just survive
Play it safe. Basically, live my life as comfortably as possible and fade into the sunset.
- Chase your bucket list items
This is a gamble. Life’s challenges make me uncomfortable. My whole life, I have gambled and mostly lost. I lost my home and my job in the 2008 recession and have never fully recovered. What if they’re right? That alcoholics cannot stay sober without the program? How do you ever really know? I just know that at 36 years sober, I don’t want to be the guy who buried his talents in the ground.